Before I threw myself into raising my savings rate, I committed to a dinner with a friend I hadn’t seen in a while.
She had suggested we meet at a trendy new restaurant downtown for dinner, and after tightening up my budgets – especially on food and eating out – a dinner out of that scale wasn’t really in the cards anymore.
I had a few options.
- Show up and stick with water. (A little awkward, but not unbearable.)
- Ditch my budget and go to the dinner. (Already? Ditching the budget already? It had only been a week.)
- Ask if we could meet for coffee instead.
It seems like an obvious choice, but just in case anyone is wondering, I asked if we could meet for coffee instead. I was really transparent with her, and just asked straight up, “I’m trying to spend less on eating out, would you mind if we grabbed coffee instead?”
Not only was she perfectly OK with it, after chatting for a bit she admitted that this plan was much easier on her wallet as well. As easy as it is to think people will judge you for making frugal choices, it turns out that most of the time, they’ll be perfectly lovely about the whole thing, and might even thank you for the impact you’re not having on their budget.
But what if it doesn’t go well? That happened to me once, too.
There was one time, ages ago, when I brought up my budget and it got a different reaction. I mentioned to a coworker that a dinner networking event was outside of my budget for that month, and instead of being understanding, she actually laughed at me.
Wow.
Here’s the thing: that is literally the absolute worst thing that can happen if you’re transparent about how you’re managing your money. And it’s not even that bad! Sure, in the moment it’s not the best feeling, but my only real takeaway from the situation was “Wow, you’re kind of rude.”
So in the absolute worst case scenario, you find out someone is kind of rude to other people.
The best case – and much more likely – scenario when you’re open about what you can and can’t spend is that people will be lovely, gracious and even grateful for your candor and positive influence.
So the next time you’re in a situation where you’re stuck between a budget and a hard place, try being open about it. You might find people are much more understanding than you think.
Have you ever had to ask someone to adjust plans to fit your budget? Or gone a bit over budget because of plans someone else suggested?
I`m pretty open about trying to save money. I`ve never had anyone be negative or make me feel bad about wanting to make plans that fit my budget.
That’s so wonderful! Luckily it has only happened to me that one time, and by “luckily” I mean “luckily I have such a hilarious story of how weirdly rude people can be, but only very rarely!” Glad you haven’t had that happen to you 🙂
I’m very open about always being on a budget. People call me a budget nerd 🙂 It’s ok – I’m a big boy I can handle it. I just find it funny because the people that make fun of me for being on a budget are the ones that should really be on a budget!
When I was younger I had a bad case of FOMO so I used to say yes to everything. When I got on a budget I learned to say no more because I had bigger plans than always going out to eat and happy hours. I’ve found that the friends and family that matter in your life will understand and will make themselves available to you. It’s a shame though that for most people having a good time means going out and spending a lot of money. I’m perfectly fine going to someone’s house and playing a board game or watching a movie.
Hahahaha it really is the people who need a budget most who are quick to scoff – or, in the rare case, the people who have never had to budget and don’t realize how out of touch they sound!
I am ALL for a good board game night – it’s just as, if not more, fun than any restaurant has ever been!
I love your feedback that the worst thing that could happen is that you find out someone else is rude to others. However, I’m still a wee bit reluctant to share my debt-free journey with others because we’ve encountered a lot of resistance and many more who are quick to dismiss us. We started a blog because we’re in the minority and there are many more like-minded folks in the blogosphere than we can find in our offline lives. Thanks for the encouraging post!
Oh I totally agree – I love the community in the frugal blogosphere! It’s so so nice having the support here and definitely makes it easier to take the leap of discussing it in real life. I absolutely love what you guys are up to with the tiny house journey too!
I completely agree with Vic on this one! The people that matter will support you in your goals. I also have discovered from my own experiences, that some people will also feel a bit jealous as they watch you progress and achieve your goals. Stay strong and stick with your plan!
I always feel really embarrassed to say no to people but the more i practice the better i get. My friend invited me to an expensive museum exhibit because her friend invited her and she thought i would enjoy it. I told her it wasnt in the budget for me to attend so i would have to respectfully decline. she later told me she was grateful i said no because she also didnt have miney in her budget but was too embarrassed to tell us. She said i gave her courage to say no to her friend. We now encourage each other regularly to stay on budget.
I’ve found this to be the usual reaction from people, especially in my friend group – it’s so normalized to go out and spend money on expensive experiences that a lot of the time, people go along with it and then end up feeling the strain in the budget at the end of the month! Usually when I bring it up people are thrilled to also be able to opt out. It’s one thing if it’s a well-thought out purchase on an experience that’s really worth it, but so often it’s more of an impulse. Good for you!
The worst that has happened to me is a sense of disbelief. “You mean like, even if we split a pizza you still can’t go?” “…Yes, Really.” And I also had the same friend back out of a dinner date precisely because I was going to do the water thing and she found it too awkward.
So, nothing terrible in the grand scheme of things.
Oh no! Definitely nothing too awkward, but too bad she decided to cancel – there are options, like coffee shops, where you can hang out and the water thing just looks like you care a lot about hydration! (Or health! Some fitness people don’t drink sugar because of their muscles or whatever. Maybe people will just think she has a friend who’s really serious about fitness!)
Wow, why can’t I work with you Desirae? I’ve had a lot of trouble with this with my co-workers. For example, they decided to do Secret Santa this year. They said you had to spend at least $30 on a gift. I declined to participate as politely as I could as I thought $30 was too much and couldn’t fit it into my budget. A couple of my team members took it really badly. One of them said ‘I think you should participate as it helps to become more inclusive with the team’. Another said ‘There will come a time where you will need my help, and I’m going to say No.’ He wasn’t joking.
I’ve talked about saving and investing with other co-workers but I tend to receive negative feedback. I find it really hard not to talk about these topics as I have a passion about them. I want to help people with their financial goals, no matter what it is, and I don’t want them to have to go pay someone for the advice. It should be free. But from my experiences I’ve learned not to bring it up as people seem to not like talking about it.
But anyways, really enjoying the blog! I’ve read about 15 articles so far and plan on reading them all. Keep it up! Thanks!
OH my goodness Jack, can I just say I am the most sorry and your coworkers sound like the worst humans?! Like ok yes, not a lot of us are taught about how to talk about money, but like, most of us are taught how not to be the rudest people ever in social situations! I’m so, so sorry that’s been your experience – and judging by how much of a (secret) grudge I hold against that one girl who made fun of my budget, lol, I’m sure you’re less likely to help that one coworker too. (Nah, you seem nice, I’m sure you still would!)
Thank you so much for the kind words – I’m super glad we connected and I’m so glad you’re enjoying the blog!